Once in a while, when the complexities of life slow in pace, I reminisce. My thoughts wander back to when I was a young boy. Back then, a future life seemed only imaginary. Potential goals were countless in number. The inevitable future was exciting to ponder. I wanted my distant future to be known with certainty. Reality chose, otherwise. The excitement brought forth by the unknown was unparalleled and, to be honest, a little scary.
Like most children, I was interested in living adventurously and exploring a myriad of unknown possibilities. Living mostly sheltered from the harsh realities of the world, I was aware it was not a perfect place. The world we lived in back then (as it is now) was filled with “adult problems”. At the time, what I thought about them did not seem to matter. I was generally oblivious to concerns unrelated to my proximity. My world was a much smaller and simpler place. After looking back, I wonder if maturity is forced or does it come naturally to us?
My memories are filled with infinite detail and it seems daunting to fully describe them.
My heart feels like it is sinking when I remember the times I hurt others (whether intentionally or not). I have regrets. There is so much more I should have done to help others. I wish I would have done more to overcome my apathetic ways. Looking back now, I wish I would have given more and showed more interest in lives of others. I was often selfish and self-serving. For those I ever neglected or hurt, I am truly sorry.
My spirits rise whenever I remember the times I was immersed in utter happiness. I certainly had no concept such times were not everlasting. I wish I would have appreciated them more at the time. It never occurred to me the moments would be so fleeting. My memories of these experiences now has to suffice. The images of laughter and love come to me in unexpected bursts. For those with whom I ever shared those precious moments, I want to say thank you.
Like leaves wavering on a tree’s limbs when a gentle breeze passes by, all things related have a certain synchronicity. One force influences another. The passage of light through the oscillating foliage causes both shadow and brightness. The two contrasts move in a chaotic and rhythmic dance. Like the leaves, so is the way of my life. The symbiosis of relationships is paramount.